Failure
by FictionForTheFans
Summary: A moment of madness for Cana Alberona.


As the small brunette haired child shakily opened the door to her destination, she was greeted by the smell of alcohol lingering in the air, acconpanied by companions conversing amongst eachother and laughing boisterously. The small child gulped nervously as she walked gingerly through the main hall, she was suddenly stopped dead in her tracks by another older looking man who seemed to be the same height as her who stared at her with burning curiosty.

_"Welcome, little one! How can I help you?" he asked politely, his soft tone eased the girls nerves, returning his politeness with a warm smile.  
"I-I'm looking for master Makarov.." she said quietly, her nerves not completely eased off. The man tilted his head and blinked as he looked at her for a few moments beffore letting out a laugh loud enough to make the girl cover her ears and scowl in dismay.  
"Dear child, I am he! Master Makarov, at your service!" his boisterous laugh quietened down into a gentle chuckle. She peeled her hands away from her ears as she looked at him with sheer amazement.  
"Wh-what?! You can't be the man I was told to see, you're too small!" she said with slight frustration laced in her voice.  
"My dear girl, don't judge a book by it's cover. You seem to have found what you are looking for, so what can I help you with?" he asked as his curiosity began to get the better of him.  
The child gulped nervously as she clenched her fists tightly, her determination flaring._

_"I want to join Fairy Tail!" she exclaimed as she looked him in the eyes. Her abrupt declaration caused everyone to stop their actions, they all looked at her with a slight skeptical expression, the room shortly being filled with idle gossip and snide remarks. Makarov paused for a moment as he looked at her with utter fascination.  
"Join the guild? at such a young age? child.. May I ask why?" she crossed her arms as her posture went back to the fragile child she appeared to be.  
"I.. I want to meet my father, I was told that he is at this guild." she mumbled quietly so only he could hear her, not wanting to attract unwanted attention from the other members.  
"He's in the guild and I want to tell him that i'm here!" she added with certainty, Makarov smirked at the guild and nodded.  
"Your fathers here..? what's his name little gi-" he was suddenly interrupted by the girl slamming her foot on the floor in frustration._

_"Stop calling me that, old geezer! My name is Cana, Cana Alberona! And my father is Gildarts Clive and I need to see him right away!" she shouted angrily as she panted slightly. Gasps suddenly filled the room, along with more whispering gossiping.  
"...Ah, I see. Well, you certainly do have your fathers temper!" he laughed softly, her body language immediately changed back to her fragile and nervous state again. Makarov cleared his throat and placed his hand on her head, smiling softly.  
"Well, Cana Alberona, you certainly show a lot of fire and determination for someone your age. Your fiery personality will benefit well by being here, welcome to the guild, my dear!" he exclaimed happily as he raised his hands into the air with a bright smile, Cana's nerves completely dissappeared as tears formed in the corner of her eyes from happiness, she smiled happily and ran to the man and hugged him tightly, the guild members observing the strange scenario all clapped, cheered and congratulated her. She smiled to herself as she thought 'I get to see you soon, daddy'._

12 long years on, she smiled to herself as she recalled the day moment-by-moment. She remembered the overbearing sense of ecstasy she felt upon receiving her guild mark, showing she had accomplished what she wanted at the time. However, her smile was short lived as it quickly faded, more memories flooding her conscience, she shook her head and took a large swig of her beer as she felt a sudden lump form in her throat as she remembered how she felt seeing her father for the first time, hearing from Makarov of her fathers powers and what he was capable of doing.

Cana Alberona always had a fear of becoming a failure, she feared the thought of failing herself and failing those closest to her, worst of all, being shunned by her father. Her ultimate fear was not being accepted by the man that made her join the guild in the first place, she feared him deeming as 'too weak' and 'a disgrace to their family'. She tapped the counter of the bar as she orderes herself another drink, images of her S-class trials began to play in her head, she gripped tightly onto her beer glass and gritted her teeth as her anger began to build. The thought of her former guild member, Laxus, leaving her unconscious during the trials topped off her sudden anger, before she could think or do anything else, she heard the glass suddenly shattering to pieces, sprawling across the counter and onto the floor, the barman quickly ran over to her side to aid her as he noticed her hand suddenly cut quite badly.  
Not acknowledging his extistance at all, she tightened her fist, lodging the shards of broken glass into her hand, causing blood to pour out of her palm as she hanged her head in shame.  
"C-Cana! Can you hear me..?" the barman called out, making her snap out of her trance-like state. She slowly looks up at him and stared at the barman with a blank and emotionless expression, she simply turned around and pushed herself off of the barstool, grabbing her notorious blue bag and walking out of the guilds doors in the process. Unsure of where to go, the tarot card reader chose to walk in a straight direction, and continue walking.

The blood from her cut on her hand left droplets on the ground as she continued to walk, leaving a blood trailed path to wherever she chose to go, her head constantly filled with the memories of her past. Tears suddenly forming in the corners of her eyes, she finally stopped by a long river path, staring at the passing boats and passengers and those sailing the boats waved and greeted her, however, she paid no attention to them whatsoever.  
She started to reminisce on her bout with Laxus' accomplice, remembering her blue haired friend being no match for him as she laid almost motionless in front of her. Furrowing her eyebrows in sadness at the thought, her mind trailed off to her battle with him, and how she appeared no match for him also. Unable to contain herself any longer, tears began to run down her cheeks as she became slightly reddened in the face from anger at herself, clenching her fists once more and gritting her teeth as her rage built.  
"I've failed so many.. I've become a failure to myself and to Fairy Tail.. And worst of all, to my father.." she began to sob silently.  
"Father.. I'm so sorry i've shamed you." she mumbled quietly to herself in between sobs.  
"I should have never came in pursuit of you, you would be alot happier and less stressed if you didn't know of my existence." She continued.  
"G-Gray, Lucy, Juvia.. I've failed you all, I'll never be as good as any of you, i'll always be lacking behind you all, the last to succeed; if I even succeed at all." she continued to mumble in between sobs as she rememberes suggesting to leave the guild, shaking her head in disappointment at how easily swayed she was by Lucy not to leave.  
As her anger and upset worsened, she turned and began to walk again, in search of the only thing she knew would comfort her.

Her memories began to trail off to her first drink, more importantly, whom she shared that first moment with; Macao Conbolt.

_"Come on ya kill joy! Just have one with me, what'dya say, hm?" he said as he flashed a lopsided grin at her, she rolled her eyes and laughed softly.  
"Sure, if that means you'll get off my back!" She said teasingly. He raises a brow at her as he orders her drink, slinging his arm over her shoulder.  
"Silly Cana, i'll never get off your back!" he laughed boisterously, his breath smelling of alcohol. He used his vacant arm to grab hold of his drink and down the remains of it, she simply scoffed and shook her head before being handed her drink by the barman, she curiously hung her nose over the glass and smelt it, grimacing at the smell and turning her nose up, sliding it to him.  
"Macao, that smells awful!" she continued to scowl.  
"Nonsense, try it! It tastes better than it smells, I promise." he persuaded her as he slid the drink back over to her side. She sighed heavily as held the drink in her hand, slowly bringing it to her lips as she had a small sip, before she knew it, Macao brought his hand over and gripped the bottom of her glass, tilting it up all the way, shoving the entire bevergage down her throat, causing her to choke and cough as she finishes the drink almost in one. Macao suddenly started to laugh boisterously as he watched Cana almost choke to death, slamming his hand onto the counter in a laughing fit.  
"B-bastard! That tastes horrible!" she wiped her mouth and scowled.  
"Awwww, come on Can', you've only had one drink, give it a chance and have another." he winked playfully at her._

As the hours had passed, she stumbled through her house in an inebriated state. Macao's laugh playing continuously through her head as she flung her bag carelessly. Feeling her mood worsening more, she staggered to her kitchen in search for more alcohol. She rummaged what seemed like hours in her cabinets to find nothing, she slams the last one, almost breaking it off of it's hinges. She cries out loudly in anger and kicks the table with her strength, leaving a large dent underneath it.  
She slowly brought her hands to her face and began to cry, feeling her right hand already wet for a reason beknownst herself, she pulls her right hand away only to stare at it in horror as she reaslised she had in fact cut her hand quite deeply, pausing her tears for a moment, she immediately ran her hand under some water in the sink and began to pick away at the glass still lodged in her palm.

Moments later, Cana sat in the chair in her kitchen, resting both hands on her table, staring down blankly at her now bandaged up right hand. Her cheeks stained with the dried tears as they clung to her face, her eyes reddened and sore, her eyes also bloodshot. She sat motionlessly as she stared down with no emotion shown whatsoever, tears began to run down her cheeks again, landing on her lap as the material starts to form a wet patch.  
"I have no achievemtns or accomplishments. There's no hope for a lost cause like me. The world isnt supposed to have people like me around." she said to herself with no emotion in her voice, completely broken.  
She slowly rose from her seat and made her way upstairs to her room, upon walking into her bedroom, she sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at the window covered by her slightly shut blinds, the late afternoon sun beaming its rays through the breaks of her blinds, tinting her room with a natural orange-like colour. As the sun continued to set on Magnolia, her mood continued to plummet. Until it suddenly dawned on her, she snapped her head to the side and stared at her bedside cabinet, jumping to her knees and eracitcaly began to rummage through, slowly pulling out a bottle of what appeared to be the whisky. She slowly sat back onto the bed and opened the lid of the bottle, releasing the smell, she grimaced slightly and clenched her eyes shut before tilting her head back slowly and downing as much as she could take without feeling the need to be sick, almost halfway through the small bottle in just one swig, she pulls the bottle from her lips and hisses at the burning sensation in her throat and warm feeling beginning to grow throughout her stomach.

She continued to down the rest of the bottle until the very last drop, holding the bottle in her hand as she stared down at it before something inside of her snapping, she suddenly reminds herself of the one thing she feared, she immediately turned to her side and launched the empty bottle at her wall, shattering it to pieces as tears began to run once more. She slowly climbed into bed, too lazy to change as she hugged her pillow tightly, laying on her side as she let the tears fall and let her emotions get the better of her and take over her. She remained silent and only blinked rarely as she continued to cry silently, her conscience shattered like the glass on her bedroom floor as she reminds herself of the hurt she put herself and her comrades through, feeling a sudden fatigue wash over her, she mumbled to herself quietly before letting sleep take hold of her.

"I'm sorry, i've failed again."


End file.
